Bad Dad?

Well, today my husband calls me and says he can't take our daughter for the weekend, because he has a lot of other stuff to do, but that he will take her Sunday. One day out of the week you can spend with your kid that's garbage. I went and filed for child support today and as you imagine he wasn't really impressed and he called me a heartless monster. Is it true??? How did we end up here. I told him if we could figure it out then I would drop my petetion. What to do?

On my terms, I think??

I told my husband today that i can't keep doing this, so we are going to talk this weekend and see how it goes, but I don't know what to say...... Nothing has helped so far it is probably time to just let it go, but I don't have it in me to walk away from our marriage and our childs family.

How can someone change so much

My husband was such a sweet guy when I married him and I loved him so much. How do you just let the past go? We were really doing ok until I found out he is still hanging out with that girl even if it is with other people. Everyone knows how much that skank likes him, but even though he is hurting me he is still hanging out with her. My husband never would have done that. Then I call him to tell him that it also bothers me that he goes places with her and hangs out at his buddies house with her. Also, that instead of taking his space and thinking about stuff he is just hanging out with people. That's not fair when I am sitting here waiting for him and I am done. I just can't wait anymore. It's so hard to give up all the love I had for him and pretend the past three and a half years of good times never happened. But I can't handle the person he is know always yelling and cussing at me when I am telling him how I am feelings, since when he decided this he never thought about my feelings. I am having such a hard time giving it up, but I can't cry all the time anymore and I have to get past this because every time I look at the baby and see her looking at the door for her father I cry and I can't keep it up. I love my hhusband, but who ever this guy is is a jerk and I can't pretend anymore that we can go back and I won't go forward with this guy. If the old husband comes back then I would try, but I can't keep trying with this one.

Feeling Better

My husband and I had a talk today and after deliberation we decided that he will continue staying at a friends house and I will move back to our house and after he finishes working on him we will try dating again. Today I really felt like we would be ok we were playing around and goofing off and having a really good time like we used to. It was great, I didn't realize that we had been missing that maybe for a long time. I really think that this will be a good thing for us and he loves me, there's no other girl and he misses me. We will be fine. He even gets jealous about other guys and we both decided not to see other people. I feel awesome.

Another Hard Thing

We got along really well again yesterday. Until he told me he loved me, and he wants to always be friends. I told him I can't I have loved him to much to just all of a sudden be just friends. I asked him not to call me anymore unless it was about our daughter. I miss him and I hope everytime a door opens or the phone rings he changed his mind and wants to fix it, but not yet and I know that I am being pathetic, but I just miss him, so much. I am going to keep my hope to myself for a little while longer and I will keep praying everynight and maybe.

Dead Hope

I took our daughter over to see her father for a little while. We were talking and everything went really well and for a minute I thought there was a glimmer of hope that all of this could be fixed, I was wrong. I left from there and went to the store and brought him back some chicken, I was standing there with him and I said I want to fix it. He said he wanted us to be friends, but we could never be anymore because of everything that happened and that was when I really felt it the very last little ray of hope that had helped me through all of this die. We will always be bound together by our little ball of sunshine and by the love we had, but we will never be together again.

No suprises

My husband and I got in another fight yesterday. He brought that girl into my house again and to top it off he drove her to my house in my car. So even though I had been the one to leave, I told him I was coming home and he would have to get his stuff out of the house. I also told him I wanted my car back. Then we got in another fight, because I work nights and I told him he would have to stay with the baby on Thursday night when I was at work and also he could only have the baby on the weekends if he would stay at the house and I would leave, because I can't trust him not have our daughter around that slut and I will not know where he is with my baby or what he is doing. I am not putting her or myself through it I am done letting him make me feel bad. He is the one that is wrong here, not me. Today I am going to Friend of the Court and filing for child support and to shut out the joint bank account. It is officially over!! I will get through this. I do not need a jerk like that!!!

His Mom

I stopped back by my house last night at about 9:15 or so to let my dog outwith my mom since we were going to get ice cream because he is not very responsible anymore. As we pulled up to the curb his mother was out there mowing our lawn since he could not be bothered, but he has told me he will be moving out since I have turned everyone in his family against him, that is not true he has done this to himself. I just wonder how you go from seeing the father of your beautiful child and the love of your life to just not talking anymore. Apparently it is easy for him since he told me he hated me yesterday. I wish someone could tell me how to get over it, because I am stupid and I know it, because even if he called now and apologized I would go back even after how he hurt me because I just want our family back together.

The End

Well I went by my house on Sunday morning to get something that I had forgotten. On my way in the house my neighbor asked me who the girl my husband was kissing on my front porch was. It was the homeless girl that he worked with Rita who is 19 and a wiccan and is in this group that fights people with foam. What a loser, but what makes her such a slut is that she knew he was married with a seven month old baby. Everybody is telling me all the different things and i don't know who to believe and he swears up and down that it is not true and everybody else is telling me that he went out with her when we were fighting and I don;t know who to believe but fact is she stayed the night at my house Saturday night with him. I think that their is no hope for us anymore.

in my dreams

In my dreams I see my husband coming by telling me that he wants me to come home and that he is ready to work on it because he knows that we make the best family. Then he explains to me what happened and we promise to work on it and everything goes back to normal. We live together again and even though times are still sometimes hard and we still sometimes argue he sits down and talks to me about it instead of getting all worked up about it and hurting me.

I just feel like part of loving somebody is to work through all your problems and communicating with them instead of holding it all inside until you leave them. Then ignoring how they feel as they sit and cry and making them feel horrible and not trying to talk to them and fix it just sitting there and not saying anything.

A long night

Thursday night on my way home from work I decided to stop by the house and let our dog out to go potty. When I get there at after 11 my husband is not home. I immediatley look to see if the normal stuff he needs to stay the night at someone's house is there. It is all there even his cell phone charger and since his cell is attached at his hip that is very strange. So I call some of his friends and nobody has seen him he won't answers anyone's call and I am very concerned because as we all know I totally still love him. So he texts me at after 6a.m to let me know he is o.k. after I am up most the night worrying about him. Friday afternoon I decided to go up to his work for his break just to let him know that my sister bought a car, I talked to one of our old friends and that I really do miss him and I really wanted a hug. It has been very hard for me to go from seeing someone everyday and being the mother of their child to never seeing or even talking to him and I swear it doesn't seem to even be affecting him in the least. And you can't even imagine how much that hurts. But when I get there I think we can be civil and that maybe he would be glad to see me because he misses me, too. No not really he calls me as I am sitting in the parking lot and he says what do you think you're doing and I explained to him that I just wanted to tell him those few things and get a hug and he ended up yelling at me about how I am not giving him any space and stuff. So I will not talk to him again until Sunday, but when I was calling his friends last night one of them told me that he plans on going mudding on saturday and if he does that then we will talk because our daughter misses him so much and if he is planning on dropping her off at his moms and not even seeing her for the full two days he has her then that would be horrible. Every time the door open she looks up and you can just tell that she is waiting for him. Then to top all that off since this has happened on Wendsday he has not even called once to see how she is. As sad and as pitiful as I feel the only thing I want is to go home and be part of my family again.